Thousand Dollar Supercar

Fear not - the sun never sets on the Burgish Empire. We shall eat on the bleachers We shall eat while standing around We shall eat burger meals, out in the streets We shall all eat our fills, if the chicken is tender!

I'm roaming the Waikato on work again this week. It's on you to keep the dream alive. Edit: Today's job postponed, back in town, heading for a burger.

A kerb weight of close to 1700 of your finest kilograms I believe. The internet says 1660kg for the manual transmission. You could probably find small cars from the '80s that weighed half as much!

Ah, but do you have a four speed auto (with '4 SPEED' proudly written by the selector) and a lockup torque converter that comes in clumsily at about 80kph? Around town the Jag's economy is not so flash - when coasting at 60kph (foot off the throttle) it uses 3~4 l/100km just to idle the engine. Economy-related Barry fact - due to being an automotive grandfather clock, the XJ-S was aerodynamically average for 1988 with a drag coefficient of 0.40. That's worse than most new designs of the era and only better than boxy Volvos, the Countach and a 2.6 datto. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Automobile_drag_coefficient#Typical_drag_coefficients

I've heard that about poly bushings too, and seen an example. The internet seems to think it's just variable quality - some bushings (poly or rubber) are fine and some are crappy. Nothing bad happened to the poly ones I installed in my Alfa. You're right I could still have bought OEM Metalastic bushings for my XJ-S. They're cheap and some owners like them because Jags are supposed to be about ride quality. I think the one in my car which was coming apart must have been damaged by oil, and the ones which were worn out were just in a spot that's known for wear in the XJ-S. Assuming they're the originals from 1988 I can't complain. I went with SuperPro without doing my homework because I just assumed any British OEM part would be crappy / old stock, and I liked the convenience of being able to pick up the SuperPros off the shelf on the weekend. Time will tell if they fall apart and I have to do this all again.

Jag life's a bit variable so far.. but my Jag does get a lot more comments than my old Alfa 33 did, and kids who don't know any better do think I'm rich. Now that the XJ-S looks like a classic car, I probably get less resentful stares than Nelson's high power accountant did back in the day. I imagine it's just the odd Auckland electric car driver / hipster cyclist who hates me, for driving what they assume is a mega-thirsty V12. And for having a noisy exhaust. The guy I bought my XJ-S off said that if the motor had ever died on him, he had intended to fit a Jag V8. Maybe I'm missing something - the Jag V8 doesn't sound amazing, it's only 4.2L, if it's an old one then its cylinder liners will wear out, and you don't retain many car snob authenticity points for sticking with the same manufacturer when doing an engine conversion on a classic car. Just put a Chev in it so you can use a conversion kit and have better aftermarket support. Or if you're going for a more difficult engine conversion, have a better reason for it.

I passed another WOF, by deliberately seeking out a garage who wouldn't fail me on my chipped headlight glass or my worn front brake discs. I'm going to send the Jaag for a wheel alignment to see if it fixes the vibration, so first I had to change the remaining lower wishbone bushes on the more difficult side of the car. I wasn't looking forward to this, because the whole steering rack had to be unbolted so I could move it down and sideways out of the way of this fulcrum shaft: Not sure why Jaguar couldn't have made these fulcrum shafts insert from the front of the car where there's nothing in the way of withdrawing them. Still, the whole reason for doing these bushes was on this side of the car. The inner edge of the bush below had looked bad while the wishbone was still on the car and I couldn't get a good look at it: Actually its mechanical integrity was fine, despite that bit hanging off. And when I say 'fine', I mean relative to how hard it was to replace! Reinstalling the steering rack was horrible because it's a tight fit (I had to use a jack to push it into position) but you've got to precisely line up the rack and its shim thing with the subframe bolt holes. Reinstalling the suspension spring was also horrible because of trying to get the bolt holes in the spring pan to line up exactly with the wishbone while the spring's compressed, so that I wouldn't cross-thread any bolts. Because I can't work on this side of the car in my tiny garage, I had to do this work in view of my neighbours. Trying to align bolt holes in the dark for a conspicuously long time, hands grimy, lying on the ground with moths and mosquitoes, while people passing by correctly conclude that I'm crazy. But it's back together now. =) I noticed that the power steering pump appears to leak, but it's in a horrible spot and I'm not about to tackle it myself. I'm booking the car in for its first visit to some Jaaag specialists, so I can ask them about all its other rattles and whines and clunks. The impossible quest to make a Jaguar into a good car continues.

Lol... If you drive a 'Teg, yo, props to you, I hip hop for you... Get Rich to that pls. Best Motoring vid of one beating on rival RWD and 4WD ricemobiles (turn on the subtitles):

I reckon the light fitting would be shower proof if mounted up the right way, but the fake rust finish they come with would soon turn into real rust. I bought two, so there's still one in the cupboard for future ideas. Here's a little project that's still on the go. It's a TradeMe bargain educational skull made of resin, and I cut out his eye sockets and stuck in those 230V neon spring bulbs. He's headbanging thanks to a car's rear wiper mechanism running off a battery charger. His headbanging is so slow that the only music I'll be able to play is Funeral Doom. Unless I give him more voltage, then perhaps we can have an Electric Funeral.... As soon as I've stopped the mounting from eventually working loose, I'll make some shoulder framing, give him some death shrouds and bogan hair and work out a power source.

Another one of my patented useless projects which didn't turn out as good as I hoped.. I added some decorative edging to a plank of wood, stained it, mounted an Edison cage sconce light thingy, a retro switch and dimmer, an 'incoming 110V DC' plaque from oldschool Secret Santa, and this old analogue voltage gauge I got off TradeMe: I've attempted to add backlighting to the gauge, using period-correct incandescent bulbs for that extra crappy glow. Conveniently, if you use the right input terminals on the gauge, full scale is about 245V so you get to watch the needle go up and down as you operate the dimmer. Entertainment value: ~5 seconds. Eventually I'll pick a spot on the wall for this stupid thing to live, and if I'm feeling extra keen, I'll find a way to run power to it inside the wall. Artist's impression: The trouble is I really messed up the staining and varnishing of the board, and I don't know if I can be bothered taking the whole thing to bits and redoing it. I sanded through the dark stain in a few spots while trying to fix my first attempt at varnishing. =(

How did you apply the final coat of clear? (I've been failing at everything I try to varnish lately. First, I continue trying to fix the brush marks and runs and bits of stuff stuck in the varnish while it's starting to dry, making it worse than it was already going to be. Next, I try to sand it prior to doing second coat but I end up sanding through the first coat and the stain underneath... Painting's not my thing..)

Burger Knight. An old loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the appetite, the stomach, the tastiness, in a world of parking that's located above the store.

Burger Knight - a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a meet that does not exist..

Do you realise what this means? You'll be able to discover how much wood would a wood lift lift, now that a would lift could lift wood! (sorry, I'll show myself out...)

So that's three cars. Four if you count Bigfoot's Camry wannabe. :p The days of filling up the whole carpark would appear to be gone. =(

Would you believe I fell asleep and missed this? Now I can't have burgers until next month. =(

Spot the difference between the rear lights - the one on the right with the black-painted chrome piece must be from a 1970s car. Not sure which I prefer. I decided the alternator drive belt needed changing. I bought one then realised the fan and the A/C drive belt needed to come off first, and that meant wrestling with overtightened stuff that's difficult to access with my limited range of imperial tools. Got it done today minus buying a new A/C drive belt. More satisfying was fixing the horns. I'm supposed to have a French horn duet but only the low tone was working, and that sounded a bit too polite even for a British car ("Ahem.. boop boop"). I took them off the car to see what was up. This is after cleaning: I'd never disassembled a horn before, but it turns out there's no complex electronics - they use a sort of electromagnetic oscillator to vibrate a diaphragm. My high-toned horn had swallowed too much water, so I used a multimeter to find all the corroded/bad connections and clean them. After reassembly I had to set the adjustment screw to get it to oscillate and then to maximise its volume. Now if any other fellow's driving isn't up to snuff, I can give him what for. Because Jaguar couldn't be bothered fitting a welded nut for the horn mounting, I had needed to take the grille out to unbolt the horns. It made sense to give it a clean. See that badge: Normally it would say 'V12', but six cylinder cars have a big 'S' for 'Stingy'.

It's back at the upstairs carpark behind the Ellerslie Burgerfuel. Enough regulars have disappeared that we now seem to be sneaking under the radar of that nearby resident / maybe he can't hear us over the 6-lane motorway across the street....

Didja buy it? I see it's no longer listed, although there's always the newer green one in Northland for $6.5k. The autocar buyers guide has this very "Jag owner" advice: "Check for misfires on the V12 by holding a bank note over the exhaust pipes and watching for uneven fluttering." You might also want to test the cigarette lighter by rolling up a bank note and attempting to smoke it.

You mean XJ-S, this one here? https://www.trademe.co.nz/motors/used-cars/jaguar/auction-1935049799.htm A British racing green coupe with tan leather and a V12 for under $4k. In a couple of hours you could have it looking a lot nicer (from a distance) than in the photos. That pre-HE V12 is meant to be the thirstiest engine in the world, but you can fix that for more than $4k with manual conversion kits or Chev V8 conversion kits depending on what shape the V12 is in. You should absolutely purchase that rough, underused V12 XJ-S which has no history, no WOF and no reg, and then you should bring it to oldschool Nats. This would make you the grandmaster lunatic.

Go go gadget homemade spring compressor! If you're also a Kiwi nutjob, you too can get high tensile fine threaded rod by bolting on down to Steelmasters. It takes all year to raise and lower the spring pan, but it works. =\ Next, remove the fulcrum shaft to get the lower wishbone off. It hits the steering rack (already lowered a bit in this photo): That's kind of understandable / forgiveable, but this (below) is a bit retarded: That pipe is in the way by just a few mm. Haynes would probably tell me to take the engine out to resolve it, but I just used violence. I finally had the lower wishbone out, and the bushes were better than they had initially looked. It was only the upper control arm bushes which had definite wear. Oh well. Replace anyway. When reassembling the suspension, you've got to try to align the spring pan with this wishbone (while it's under twisting force from the compressed spring) so you can bolt them back together. This is not a fun game, so you think "I'll go out and buy some long bolts to use as guide studs while compressing the spring." Unfortunately: Stupid imperial car. I did not realise the implications of this prior to purchase. While putting everything back together, I had a look at these red sway bar end link bushes which were fitted to the car when I bought it. I think they're the wrong part which has just been hacked to size. The flat cut surface facing upwards in this photo sits against the cupped washer, which looks like it's designed to accept a specially contoured bush and to hold it in place as the suspension moves. The result is that the bushes get pushed out of position. I shall order new ones and hope for a better fit. Meantime I reinstalled them and took the Jag camping up north, a 470km round trip (via SH16 because corners). Using the A/C and the loud pedal I averaged 12l/100km. I believe I could feel the improvement to the front end on occasion, but the feel of the rear still reminds me of old timey race car footage. I'm trying to practice different approaches to cornering than I used to use in my light FWD Alfa 33, because there's a good chance I am the problem. =) At the campground the Jag was parked right in view of our gazebo and I confess to admiring it all day. What silly thread pitches? What total loss cooling system? I even got a thumbs up from a farmer as I wooshed home in my conspicuous consumptionmobile.

Wow, that was the car I went to look at in Waikanae. It got brought to Auckland and was listed on TardMe for too much money not that long ago. If only it wasn’t so thoroughly mangled it would be good for manual conversion parts.

I'm still fighting the front suspension. The upper control arm inner bushes were easy, yay. I couldn't get a splitter on the lower balljoint but the XJ-S Barry Bible had the answer - unbolt the upper balljoint so the whole hub assembly is just hanging on the lower balljoint, turn the steering until you can wedge something in the gap between the lower wishbone and the stub axle carrier, and grab the brake disc and pull the hub assembly against this wedged item to lever the balljoint apart. I thought I was pretty clever at that point, but I was wrong. The spring is longer than I hoped - it's still compressed in this photo and it annoyingly prevents the wishbone from dropping / opening any further. I still can't get my normal spring compressors onto it in this position. Fortunately there's plenty on the net about Jaaags. Dodgy people like myself seem to favour making their own OEM-style spring compressors out of threaded rod, so that's what I'll have to do. Hopefully I can get this all finished this weekend without ending up dictating my next post from a hospital bed.. I found that the nuts for the front sway bar end links had worked themselves most of the way off, so the swaybar probably wasn't as effective as it should be. I choose to believe this could have been contributing to the slightly dicey oversteering feel the car seems to have.

I'm trying to split these posts up a bit more. Have a photo: It's a nice place to be, despite the number of warning lights. =) Wheel balancing didn't completely cure the vibration the car has, and it also feels a bit oversteery when I start to push it hard. Some of the bushes looked a bit tired, so I ordered some new ones. First on the list is the front lower wishbone inner mounts. I thought this would be easy until I went to start the job today. Haynes recommends compressing the spring as the first step, but straight away this requires a special tool that inserts through a hole in the middle of the spring pan. Then he goes on to get you to take the front suspension basically to bits, removing the caliper and disc and separating ball joints. Lastly you have to knock the lower fulcrum shaft back through both bushings to get the wishbone off. The trouble (well, one of the troubles) is that on the XJS, the power steering rack is in the way of removing the fulcrum shaft. There has to be a dodgy way of doing it.. I think I'll have to lower the steering rack (and change its mounting bushes too at the same time). The fulcrum shafts apparently can get really stuck in place (as in, people have dropped the whole front crossmember to saw the shafts in half!). Because of that, I don't know that there's much hope of violently removing them with the suspension otherwise still together and the spring force countered by a jack. They'd probably still have some amount of load on them, and the suspension might come off the jack and fly apart etc. Has anyone done this before? Discuss: https://oldschool.co.nz/index.php?/topic/58671-thousand-dollar-supercars-1988-jaguar-xj-s-36

I promised a zorst recording. I hoped to record some runs up to redline under load, but this will have to do for now. It already took me ages to edit out all the smoke. I think the exhaust sounds more like what you'd want from a car like this - payoff for the hassles and fuel economy. It's no lumpy V8 burble, and of course it would be more interesting with carbs and a manual transmission, but it'll do. Even if the auto sometimes keeps the engine at a steady maximum rasp up hills, which sounds like someone's cutting grass with a line trimmer... Also, gotta love that ultra refined starter motor, for sneaking out to the club late at night. =\ Pity that this plan..... ....wasn't going to work, but I'm happy enough with the result. I also ended up increasing the induction noise, because I decided to check the air filter and found this: The filter diameter seemed a bit big for the housing, leaving a gap of only a couple of mm as shown by the arrows. Despite appearances, the gap was pretty uniformly small the whole way around. Rather than think too hard about whether that total area could in fact be adequate for a whole 220 horsepower, I ordered a K&N filter which has a smaller diameter: I'm also now running this with the intake snorkel removed. Despite the long intake manifold etc, there's some decent induction noise at large throttle openings (kinda the whole point if I'm honest). I could have gone for a pod filter, but I read that it's important not to alter the airflow pattern through the type of airflow meter sitting right behind this filter housing. The changes I've made don't seem to have made the car run any worse. What else... I got some piping to suit the vents in my battery and carry any corrosive fumes outside the car, equivalent to the system the car apparently would have had when new: When I got the car, the RHS rear light was missing its internal divider so that the tail light bulb could illuminate the indicator and vice versa: That was stink, so I made up a temporary divider out of cardboard. It wasn't long before the cardboard started to warp: That looked pretty dumb, so I made a proper one out of metal, using the divider from the other side as a template. Here they are: Now it's sweet.